Roles

What is a role? A position you fill? Is it one you are forced to fill? Or is it a position that you wish you didn't have? Here, I am not talking about any specific roles, like your role in your job, or your house, I am talking about all the people you are in your life. Are you a mother or a father? What about a daughter or son? A teacher or student? A manager or a worker? What about a child or an adult? An athlete? These are all roles that people play and they play a significant part in limiting our way of thinking. 

We all play a role, and what I am going to ask you to do right now is think about all the ones you play. Think about how they make you behave, and how they make you feel. Do you feel happy in these roles? Sad? Stressed? Stuck? If you feel any of those things you have become the person in that role; you now identify yourself with that role and it is difficult to see yourself out of the role. Now why is that? It is difficult to see yourself as someone out of a role one you have identified with a role, because society has set certain expectations with your role. We feel as though we must meet these expectations in our roles to be accepted as apart of society. However, doesn't that just sound like these expectations are a tool of control? 

Yes, it does. Once we play a role, we have become part of society, therefore under control by society. This fact makes us easier to be near because people know that we will act accordingly to our role. If you are someone who fights with their roles in society or the rules that bind you to a role, then you are possibly frightening to others because your behaviors can not be predicted by your role. This results in fewer relationships and a struggle with society. Then, discontentment. Nevertheless, this can be averted by a belief in yourself and a willingness to live your life just as it is. 

Now how does this all happen? We become our roles at a very young age when we are learning how important rules are. And yes, rules are important, but we also learn that we must follow the rules of our roles. We then practice this through the ages until we can no longer distinguish which is the role thinking and which is us thinking. Try to forget what the expectations are of a role and then you will be allowed to think for yourself. The best example of a person who does this is Fox Mulder, a FBI agent in the X Files. For all of those people who have watched the X Files, you understand what I am saying. Mulder did not act in the way anyone would expect an agent would, this allowed him to think "outside- of- the- box" and solve cases others wouldn't have been able to. 


Although a loss in relationships may seem scary and unfavorable, can you say that you would rather live always abiding by the rules of your roles without question, a pawn of society? Or does a life of question and liberation, but a possible disconnect from society seem better for you? Just remember what Mark Twain said, "Be good and you will be lonesome", which can mean whatever you want it to mean, but to me it means to always do your right even if that means fewer relationships and a smaller audience. However, a person's decision to do their "right" should involve thinking about others, what the consequences of their decision may be, and an overall value of life. Forgetting any of those things produces criminals. Doing by your right, will give you a contentment in your life without the admission into a society that expects you to act a certain way. 

Linear Thinking to Wavy Thinking

The other day while reading The Way of Zen, I learned that things are only complicated because of our restricted way of thinking. In the western world, our way of thinking is so linear, as if it is a straight line.

If we even waver from it, things become complicated, complex, and frustrating. I am inclined to agree with what was said in the book; that language is a major factor in how we understand things. Our language and thought- processes don't allow us to understand things without describing them first. When I think of something being complicated, I imagine a line with sharp curves. At the dips, our minds are struggling to understand something. 

However, there is a way to understand. All you need to do is learn how to think outside of your normal linear way. Think without the straight lines! If you open your mind to other possibilities of comprehension, maybe complex things won't be so anymore. Even if something is not describable, does not mean that it is not understandable. Things are only complicated because of our way of thinking. Nevertheless, it is not completely our fault that our way of thinking is so limited. Our language limits our understanding. The English language, even with all its adjectives, can not describe some things. When something is not describable, we become frustrated. We have been raised to believe that we can rely on our language for everything, forgetting that there are other ways of understanding. In the Chinese language, and other languages that use characters instead of words, this is not as likely to happen. It is hard to fathom that their way of thinking can be so much different from ours, but it is. Those languages are represented in pictures, and you know the saying, "a picture speaks a thousand words". Imagine if when you come across something complicated you can see a way of understanding it without words. If someone says something to you that is hard to understand, try to find another way of interpreting what they said.                                                                                                                  

To Munch an Eggplant

To munch an eggplant is to be spontaneous. It is not something you plan to do, it is just something that you do. Spontaneity is being spontaneous, or it is when something is done or said in a natural and often sudden way and without a lot of thought or planning. Being spontaneous is important for your quality of life. It is healthy to do things just on a whim so as to let out stress and pent up energy. When you plan out everything in your life, you have control, but you also have expectations that give you anxiety and they are often not met– this causes stress. Letting go gives you that exhilarating, free- falling sensation that is paramount to feeling well. 

This past spring is when I began to realize just how essential a bit of spontaneity really is in life. I discovered this one day after finishing dragon boat practice on the Willamette. 

Down by the waterfront, there are many fountains, but there is this one that I always pass as I leave the docks; it is across from the World Trade Center. That night, as I passed it, I just felt like I should jump in it (I should note that I am a shy person). Even though I was spattered with Willamette water and experiencing chattering teeth, I wanted to jump in it. So I did. I ran towards that fountain and jumped right through it. I danced around its center, becoming drenched as its arcs of water hit me. It didn't matter that there were people watching me. I wasn't embarrassed. I was happy to feel so free. My dancing only lasted thirty seconds and left me completely wet and cold, but I did not regret having done so. For as a I walked away, I saw that all those people who had been watching me were now dancing in the fountain. 

After that night, I decided that spontaneity is important and that I would do one spontaneous thing per week. Yes, it is planning to be spontaneous, but I did not know what that spontaneous moment would be, or when it would occur. Since then, I have kept up with this goal (keep in mind, you cannot force spontaneity) and I am feeling a lot better than I had been.