Last week I attended a Sunday service at the Oregon Buddhist Temple in Portland. They study Jodo Shinsu which is a Japanese sect of buddhism. I had been to a festival hosted by another temple in Portland many years prior, but that experience did not leave me with any idea as to what I should expect to experience at a regular service. I knew what the temple looked like from pictures, but I was truly walking in blindly. I didn't even know if I would have to take my shoes off or not.
I shouldn't say that I had big expectations, or worries anticipating going to the temple. Though, I think I did have this notion that the temple would be influenced by Japanese culture allowing for there to be pillows to sit on instead of chairs.
The temple, it turned out, was just like a regular Christian church! Aisles of pews with a kind of stage or altar at the front, and a pastor, or reverend who spoke. Of course, what the reverend spoke of was different than what I seem to remember the pastor talking about at a Christian church, but I couldn't help but be a bit disappointed that the temple wasn't more like, a temple. I felt as if I was back in church as a child, quietly waiting for the service to end.
Amidst my disappointment, however, I did learn something from the reverend's sermon; what I learned was an ironic idea, and quite coincidental, as it was about expectations.
We all have expectations just like the one I described above. Yes, all my silly one had to do with was whether or not I would sit on pillows, but it did change how I enjoyed the experience. No matter how small or large our expectations are; if they are not met, we feel disappointed. Why we even have expectations, when we know all they bring is sadness, I don't know. I can't tell you the number of times I had expectations that were, of course, not met, which in turn ruined my entire day. The questions here are then: why do we make expectations, and how can we stop ourselves from having them?
As human beings, we often feel entitlement and this is what causes us to have certain expectations. We feel like this should happen, or I should get this, because either we've done something that "warrants" a reward, or we have no reason to expect, but we do anyway. Entitlement is a kind of expectation which has no basis– no one owes you anything, and if you think like that, you won't be disappointed. We should all try to feel grateful for what we have, and maybe this will end our feelings of entitlement.
On the other hand, our predisposition towards having expectations is different than having expectations through feelings of entitlement. In this case, we unintentionally make expectations with the awareness that there are consequences to having them. We don't feel entitled in this case, because we are unintentionally making expectations here. My shallow hope, or expectation that there would be pillows to sit on in the temple was an example of this. Ultimately, I do not believe we can stop ourselves from having expectations, but I think we can be at peace with that fact. Accordingly, we can decide that there is no reason our expectations should be fulfilled. Imagine the relief we could feel if we realized this.
What is a role? A position you fill? Is it one you are forced to fill? Or is it a position that you wish you didn't have? Here, I am not talking about any specific roles, like your role in your job, or your house, I am talking about all the people you are in your life. Are you a mother or a father? What about a daughter or son? A teacher or student? A manager or a worker? What about a child or an adult? An athlete? These are all roles that people play and they play a significant part in limiting our way of thinking.
We all play a role, and what I am going to ask you to do right now is think about all the ones you play. Think about how they make you behave, and how they make you feel. Do you feel happy in these roles? Sad? Stressed? Stuck? If you feel any of those things you have become the person in that role; you now identify yourself with that role and it is difficult to see yourself out of the role. Now why is that? It is difficult to see yourself as someone out of a role one you have identified with a role, because society has set certain expectations with your role. We feel as though we must meet these expectations in our roles to be accepted as apart of society. However, doesn't that just sound like these expectations are a tool of control?
Yes, it does. Once we play a role, we have become part of society, therefore under control by society. This fact makes us easier to be near because people know that we will act accordingly to our role. If you are someone who fights with their roles in society or the rules that bind you to a role, then you are possibly frightening to others because your behaviors can not be predicted by your role. This results in fewer relationships and a struggle with society. Then, discontentment. Nevertheless, this can be averted by a belief in yourself and a willingness to live your life just as it is.
Now how does this all happen? We become our roles at a very young age when we are learning how important rules are. And yes, rules are important, but we also learn that we must follow the rules of our roles. We then practice this through the ages until we can no longer distinguish which is the role thinking and which is us thinking. Try to forget what the expectations are of a role and then you will be allowed to think for yourself. The best example of a person who does this is Fox Mulder, a FBI agent in the X Files. For all of those people who have watched the X Files, you understand what I am saying. Mulder did not act in the way anyone would expect an agent would, this allowed him to think "outside- of- the- box" and solve cases others wouldn't have been able to.
Although a loss in relationships may seem scary and unfavorable, can you say that you would rather live always abiding by the rules of your roles without question, a pawn of society? Or does a life of question and liberation, but a possible disconnect from society seem better for you? Just remember what Mark Twain said, "Be good and you will be lonesome", which can mean whatever you want it to mean, but to me it means to always do your right even if that means fewer relationships and a smaller audience. However, a person's decision to do their "right" should involve thinking about others, what the consequences of their decision may be, and an overall value of life. Forgetting any of those things produces criminals. Doing by your right, will give you a contentment in your life without the admission into a society that expects you to act a certain way.
I shouldn't say that I had big expectations, or worries anticipating going to the temple. Though, I think I did have this notion that the temple would be influenced by Japanese culture allowing for there to be pillows to sit on instead of chairs. 
