Last week I attended a Sunday service at the Oregon Buddhist Temple in Portland. They study Jodo Shinsu which is a Japanese sect of buddhism. I had been to a festival hosted by another temple in Portland many years prior, but that experience did not leave me with any idea as to what I should expect to experience at a regular service. I knew what the temple looked like from pictures, but I was truly walking in blindly. I didn't even know if I would have to take my shoes off or not.
I shouldn't say that I had big expectations, or worries anticipating going to the temple. Though, I think I did have this notion that the temple would be influenced by Japanese culture allowing for there to be pillows to sit on instead of chairs.
The temple, it turned out, was just like a regular Christian church! Aisles of pews with a kind of stage or altar at the front, and a pastor, or reverend who spoke. Of course, what the reverend spoke of was different than what I seem to remember the pastor talking about at a Christian church, but I couldn't help but be a bit disappointed that the temple wasn't more like, a temple. I felt as if I was back in church as a child, quietly waiting for the service to end.
Amidst my disappointment, however, I did learn something from the reverend's sermon; what I learned was an ironic idea, and quite coincidental, as it was about expectations.
We all have expectations just like the one I described above. Yes, all my silly one had to do with was whether or not I would sit on pillows, but it did change how I enjoyed the experience. No matter how small or large our expectations are; if they are not met, we feel disappointed. Why we even have expectations, when we know all they bring is sadness, I don't know. I can't tell you the number of times I had expectations that were, of course, not met, which in turn ruined my entire day. The questions here are then: why do we make expectations, and how can we stop ourselves from having them?
As human beings, we often feel entitlement and this is what causes us to have certain expectations. We feel like this should happen, or I should get this, because either we've done something that "warrants" a reward, or we have no reason to expect, but we do anyway. Entitlement is a kind of expectation which has no basis– no one owes you anything, and if you think like that, you won't be disappointed. We should all try to feel grateful for what we have, and maybe this will end our feelings of entitlement.
On the other hand, our predisposition towards having expectations is different than having expectations through feelings of entitlement. In this case, we unintentionally make expectations with the awareness that there are consequences to having them. We don't feel entitled in this case, because we are unintentionally making expectations here. My shallow hope, or expectation that there would be pillows to sit on in the temple was an example of this. Ultimately, I do not believe we can stop ourselves from having expectations, but I think we can be at peace with that fact. Accordingly, we can decide that there is no reason our expectations should be fulfilled. Imagine the relief we could feel if we realized this.
Everyday I see people with the same face; a flat, expressionless face. Their eyes see nothing. None of them notice me; they are all focused on where they have to be, and what they have to do. It seems to me that none of them are happy because they don't have time to be.
In the United States we learn from a young age that being successful is the main objective in life. Being successful is also synonymous with having status. How come being happy is not the objective? How come we assume that being successful goes hand in hand with being happy? Because it does not. Those people that we deem so successful seem unhappy. When you see them on T.V. you see worry and anxiety. In fact, they seem constantly in stress. Why is this? And why is this side affect of being successful not important?
We also learn that to be successful you have to set goals. We are taught to set goals in every aspect of our lives, for everyday of every week of every year. Every minute that we are alive we have a goal we must achieve in order to be successful. Yet, when one becomes successful, there are still things to be had, and goals to set. We are never done making goals, and we are never truly living. Being alive is not working to get what you want, it's realizing what you already have. It is noticing the world around you and not the world you want to live in. When we set goals for something we want, we no longer notice what is around us, or what we have, because we become obsessed with rushing towards that goal. Our choices are now in pursuit of that goal; everything we do is now in pursuit of that goal. Once this happens, we are not living anymore. We are those people that I described above, the expressionless, flat faced people. We see nothing, but our end goal.
All those successful people that we long to be are not all that successful because they are not content. In fact, they have a hunger that will never be satisfied. They have had a taste of what it is like to attain your biggest dreams, and they now feel that the next goal is also accomplishable. This a vicious cycle that will never end until they realize that what they have is also what they always wanted. They also have more things to lose, and therefore more things to be worried about.
Always in a rush to succeed by accomplishing our goals, we don't enjoy the moment. The key is not to not have dreams. The key is to enjoy the process of getting to your dreams and not to always be in "need" of something. To notice what is going on around you and not become so preoccupied by what you have to do that you forget to live. Don't hurry through life so that you can get the thing you want. You wont be happy if you're always in a haste to have the next thing you desire. Remember that we can't see or live once we are dominated by what we want.
I shouldn't say that I had big expectations, or worries anticipating going to the temple. Though, I think I did have this notion that the temple would be influenced by Japanese culture allowing for there to be pillows to sit on instead of chairs. 
